w e r q for lunch i eat hot cheetos & read most days i am too poor & sleep deprived to pack a lunch i put on my best wig paint my eyes crimson i wash my hands in the employee bathroom like ritual still fingers stained red i am the only register o p e n xx always a servile thing wore my best wig for you today, ‘suh didn’t you notice do you like it wore it just for you xx i’m not allowed to touch their hands when they pay me no, this is not written in the handbook call it an unwritten rule people like me just know these things even on my best behavior i be too corner store to touch i pick money off of the counter i am not allowed to make eye contact with them see we don’t even use the same bathroom xx i bet they don’t think i know anything that i’ve never read a book in my life just sell them programmed with answers a servile thing o p e n xx i play girl for 8 hours i play blk for 24 xx this barely pays for my rent but we free now in the union guess that means something to y’all xx i don’t sleep to dream i’ll play dead if you want me to a servile thing even in my dreams i am not blk enough even in my dreams i am anything but boi hood remember when i was a boy// me neither// but my momma used to braid my hair all up// tight //bamboo in 1b// & i used to hate mirrors then// changed my name to kevin// but only when them cornrows was in// a chip off the ole hood// call it a block// a lapse in memory// i shape shift into boy// ride my scooter & dart bullets// storm through playgrounds// remember when i had a boy’s parts// me neither// but my momma used to buy so much of our clothes from old navy during black friday// & i hated getting jeans from there// made me look like i had some thing to hide in my pants// made me look extra down there// somethin bout the inseam//i tornado thru puberties// made me boy when i didn’t know how to be// made me so aware of the way clothes took shape on my body without my permission// & i hated lookin like that// like hard jutted through my cheekbones// i north avenue// even in my finest dresses kiki nicole is an agender yung negro artist currently based in Portland, OR. They are a poet and artist with work published in several anthologies and online on sites such as but not limited to, Drunk in a Midnight Choir, WusGood Magazine, Rose Water Mag, Voicemail Poems, and Medium. They are a 2016 Pink Door Writing Fellow, a semi-finalist for the first annual The Voice is a Muscle grant from Corporeal Voices, and a 2017 cohort of the Queer Emerging Artist Residency at Destiny Arts. They can be found at kikinicole.com
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